Effective Networking

Being Open to Making New Connections

McRae PattersonLeave a comment

As humans it is our nature to judge others based on outwards appearances. We tend to gauge a person’s social status by the clothes they wear, body shape, and attractiveness which can lead us to favor some people over others. The evidence from our culture overwhelmingly supports the notion that initially we respond more favorably to those we perceive more physically attractive than to those we see as unattractive.

I would like to challenge this mind-set to say that the connection you’re looking for may not look like you expect. I have a family member that from the outward appearance doesn’t have her life together but one day while we were talking, she had an in-law drop by the house and he had a business connection for my husband. I learned from this experience you never know who can give you the connection you need and not to make preconceived judgements about who people may know that can grow your career. It may not be a good idea to share your goals with everyone but for those people you trust, it could be beneficial to see what connections in your career field they might have even if by outward appearance you think they wouldn’t have the right connection.

Being Mindful When Using Words as Linguistic Symbols

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Linguistic symbols are used on a regular basis to give a positive or negative connotation to a particular subject in an attempt to shape public opinion. When you say the term “illegal alien” the first image that comes to mind is a foreigner that has entered the country illegally. If you say “undocumented worker” you think of a person who isn’t a U.S. citizen being exploited by companies that don’t want to pay the associated costs to hire U.S. citizens.

Another example of the use of linguistic symbols was during the economic collapse when all indicators predicted that the U.S. banking system would fail and therefore destroy the economy. The money given to banks to keep them afloat was called a “bailout”. After the outpouring of anger from the public the term was quickly changed to a “stimulus package” but the damage to the image of the program had already been done.

Particular words invoke emotion and with this in mind people can use linguistic symbols to create a positive emotion or misuse them to generate hateful emotions. Today we find many groups using and misusing linguistic symbols in dramatic ways on buttons, badges, bumper stickers-many of them emotion laden. When we’re networking with others we need to be aware when we hear people using linguistic symbols to garner a specific response and gauge if it’s being used for positive or negative motives. Also being mindful in our own use of linguistic symbols when we’re networking with others to have good intentions.

Connecting with Organizations

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In a previous post, I explained that joining organizations that have connections you need can assist you in fulfilling your purpose. I also stressed that the primary reason for joining an organization should because of your passion for the cause of the group. There are numerous criteria to look for to see if a group is the right fit for you but for this post I’ll be focused on two additional standards you need to be aware of before joining an organization.

As human beings, according to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, we have a primary need for love and belongingness. This means that all of us need to identify and belong to a group of people that have similar values to our own. Once you’ve determined that you’re passionate about a group’s cause, the next standard is to see if the organization’s core values match your values because in the process of joining a group we agree to subscribe and promote the core interests of that organization. This can also mean that we compromise some of our personal values to conform to the group.

The last criteria I’ll be discussing is the leadership of the organization. First and foremost, the leadership should display competency, respectfulness towards others and personal integrity. Does the leadership use manipulative techniques or empowerment to get membership cooperation? In order to keep unity and cohesiveness, an organization uses identification to strengthen the connection between its members and the organization. Leaders that use the technique of identifying with their members’ needs is more persuasive than using guilt. When you believe the leader shares your values, you’re more receptive to believing what they’re saying. If you see these qualities displayed within the organization, you’re on the right tract to finding a constructive connection with an organization.

The importance of building connections at the office.

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I can recall when I briefly worked as a receptionist for a government contracting company. When I first starting working at this company there was a good rapport between me, my fellow employees and the management. A couple times a week a large group of the employees that enjoyed socializing with one another would go out to lunch together at a nearby restaurant. Several times they asked me to join them but I could not accept because at the time I was on a limited budget. As time passed, I began to notice that they didn’t make an attempt to socialize with me anymore in the office and the good rapport was fading.

It was not a surprise when I was let go from this position by a manager that implied that they wanted a receptionist that had a more “bubbly” personality. My job performance was fine but because I didn’t go out of my way to socialize with people, she felt that I didn’t have an outgoing attitude.

This experience is memorable because I learned that making an effort to create bonds even when it’s not convenient can impact your professional success. Trying to be too strict with my budget ended up costing me a job and making my financial situation worse. Reflecting back on this situation, I believe that I could have made more of an effort to connect with the group. After learning this lesson, at my next job I socialized with people that I had a natural rapport with occasionally outside of the office.

Mastering Nonverbal Communication while Networking

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The way people see you, your competence, trustworthiness, and friendliness with them relates directly to your nonverbal communication. By both observing and demonstrating nonverbal communication people can grow and learn how to function together. Nonverbal communication can also convey dominance and territorial issues between people. Such moves range from staring, crowding, leaning, interrupting people, and overwhelming them with big gestures. If a person believes that they’re ineffective at networking, there could be several issues that hinder their message, nonverbal cues being one of them.

Nonverbal communication plays a large role in everyday communication, an important part of deciphering what someone means is using body language to read in between the lines. Since nonverbal communication messages can be unintentional, people can be unaware that their nonverbal cues at times contradict their verbal cues. If you agree but frown and turn away, your actions contradict your words. When this happens, people believe the nonverbal. When your body language creates an uncomfortable environment which will hinder communication, the other person may form a negative impression of you. Becoming aware and conveying welcoming body language will increase the likelihood of creating a positive impression while networking.

Connecting despite disagreement

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At some point in every relationship there will be disagreement. If everyone agreed on everything, ideas would become monotonous and there would be no one to challenge incorrect thinking. All of us are different and bring our unique ideas to our surroundings. Conflict can be productive if the people involved can facilitate a communication style is respectful and purposeful.

The intention of a conflict shouldn’t be to win an argument but to consider, learn and understand what the other person believes. I don’t believe conflict is negative in itself but the way people react to conflict can be negative. Conflicts don’t have to be a battle where one person is completely right and the other is completely wrong. I choose to see conflict as a challenge or opportunity to work together, see another perspective that can teach me something and an opportunity to remain respectful of dissenting opinions. A harsh and unloving spirit is out of place in the discussion.

To maintain healthy relationships and nurture connection it’s important to have a goal of coming to agreement when possible without compromising your beliefs, also to work together for a common purpose of displaying unity. Preserving connections requires us to not be selfish putting our own interests ahead of others and being humble having a high opinion of others’ value. Cultivating connection during a disagreement is dependent on having the mindset that each person has something beneficial to contribute to the conversation.

Knowing your audience is the key to connection.

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Most of us have been through an experience where we’ve left a conversation wondering what just happened here. After this has happened to me, I’m usually trying to figure out where the conversation went off track after the fact. The way the other person interpreted my statement wasn’t my true intention at all. After analyzing the other person’s statements, I find myself saying, if I had only been thinking, I would’ve said this instead.

When people have different experiences they may have a different context of the words you’re saying than what was actually intended. We must fully listen to the other person’s response to gauge if our message was understood. This is why it’s important to learn about others beliefs. Ignorance of others core beliefs will lead to misunderstanding, offending cultural traditions and discrimination against those who don’t subscribe to our belief system. Speaking for myself, I can say that not being aware of another person’s worldview that I’m networking with makes it difficult to understand the reason they may view aspects of life from a different perspective.

During the course of on initial conversation with someone it’s crucial to find out the area where the person was raised, the different worldviews they were exposed to and the culture in their environment because this will play a major role in building their various beliefs. Knowing this information brings clarity and understanding to the role their belief system plays in their relationships and to see if there’s a potential connection between the two of you to build on for a future relationship.

Using Conversation Management to enhance connection.

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Facial expressions can show emotions, but they also are used for conversation management. There are some advantages to monitoring facial expressions for conversation management. High self-monitors are usually great interpersonal communicators since they’re more focused on the reactions of others. It’s effortless to have a conversation with them because they’re engaged listeners and can interpret emotions well. They’re more concerned about putting a person at ease so they will give pleasing feedback. High self-monitors are focused on the opinion of others, so it’s easy to get along with them.

On the other hand, there are also disadvantages to being a high self-monitor. If they’re bored with the conversation they’ll pretend they’re interested just to create a good impression. They’re such good actors you never know how they truly feel. Are they presenting an authentic portrayal of who they really are or are they creating an identity that’s pleasing to their audience? If they disguise how they truly feel, can you connect with them on a personal level?

As the motto goes, everything in better in moderation. We must balance monitoring the emotions of others and ourselves in conversations. We need to know when it’s appropriate to be “politically correct” to spare someone’s feelings and when they need to hear the truth in a loving way. If we focus too much on others impressions of us, it would be impossible for us to be our true selves, the person we were created to be. When networking people are seeking authentic connections and if they feel insincerity on your part there will be a hesitancy to want to partner in a business relationship.

Creating a narrative to cultivate connection.

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We as human beings respond to narratives or stories. Written stories are interesting but face to face storytelling is an art that can’t be replaced. I carry this principle with me when networking and I need to sell myself, I create a story to illustrate my point and to remember certain themes instead of memorizing key points verbatim so I can convey more emotion. The goal is to covey a visual picture with words.

Another benefit of using narratives or illustrations is that it brings credibility to your position. If two people disagree with one another, an effective way to get the other person to see a different point of view is to tell a story related to the situation. Storytelling transports people to different points of view so they can reinterpret or reframe what your “facts” mean to them. Stories evoke certain emotions and subsequently work very well at grabbing our attention. This technique works well on children and explains why children gravitate towards storybooks. We all need a break from the objective real world every now and then to enjoy ourselves with others. When you stimulate human emotions with a story, you point those emotions in a certain direction. At networking events that I’ve attended the people that are most memorable are the ones that had an interesting story.

Developing the skill of listening is essential to connection.

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Listening is a skill that I continue to work on because it’s a natural tendency for me to want to talk. My worst habit was cutting other people off in the middle of their sentences. If I thought I knew what the other person was about to say, I didn’t have patience to listen. I was trying to rush the conversation in order to voice my opinion or I was thinking of my response while they are talking instead of giving them my full attention. In a society like ours where multi-tasking is part of our routine, conversations can become rushed in order to finish the other tasks we must get accomplished that day.

Instead of giving the other person my undivided attention, I may be thinking about other things while they’re still speaking. I now realize how selfish I was being. As an effective communicator, being a good listener is an essential skill. If I expect other people to respect my opinion, I in turn must respect their opinions and give them the appropriate amount of time to express their thoughts.

Making the effort to be a conscious listener has taught me to slow down, make the time to value that person’s opinions, be more selfless in my conversations and be more observant to the non verbal cues they’re sending as well. When taking the time to listen, I’ve learned valuable lessons from other people’s experiences. It’s difficult to talk and learn at the same time. Listening has also helped me to really be in tune to that person’s needs from me by being emotionally available to connect with them.