Author: McRae Patterson

Overcome Fear to Make Connections

McRae PattersonLeave a comment

Traditional networking can be intimidating. I’ve discussed previously why traditional networking doesn’t usually generate beneficial results. I’ll use a personal example of how I determine when to initiate a networking conversation.

I was in a women’s group and there were some very influential women in this group. I would have liked to make a connection with some of these women but I didn’t know how to network with them. So what do I mean by “network” with them? I mean bring value to their professional career. When people go to networking events, they’re looking for people that can add value to their career. During the initial conversation they ask questions to find out if you can enhance what they’re doing and if not they won’t follow up after the conversation. The effective way to network with people that you currently don’t have a career connection with is to gradually build a rapport with them over time organically.

The mistake people make when networking is that they try to force a connection with someone that can help them but they offer no value to that person. When you do this, you come across desperate because the interest isn’t mutual. Just like when a person is too aggressive while perusing a person romantically that isn’t interested.

In my last post, I discussed being motivated out of fear versus out of love. Desperation wreaks of fear. When you’re motivated to connect with someone because you fear not getting their help, they can sense your desperation and are turned off. The effective way to network is to know what value you bring when going into a conversation and if the other person doesn’t see your significance, you’re okay with it and mutually part ways. When you connect with people from a place of love, you only want to partner with people that see your worth.

Is Your Motivation Fear or Love

McRae PattersonLeave a comment

I’m often asked why can’t I stay consistent when it gets difficult to keep working towards my goals? Well one thing that may be sabotaging you is the reason for your motivation. Fear based motivation does work but usually it’s effect is temporary. Love based motivation tends to have a long-term effect.

A common resolution is to stop smoking. Fear based motivation would be if I don’t stop smoking I may die of cancer. This fear can motivate you in the short term and you may stop smoking for several weeks but eventually the fear wears off and when something stressful happens that triggers a need for a cigarette, you give in to the temptation.

Love based motivation would be I want to stop smoking because I love myself enough to stop putting toxins into my body and I want to live a long healthy life because _______ (fill in the blank) ex. I want to see my grandchildren grow up. Because you have a specific reason that’s meaningful to you, it will keep you going when challenges arise.

Whenever you have any goal you’re working towards, you need to constantly keep the love motivation at the forefront of your mind. Write it down and keep it a place where you see it on a regular basis, like your refrigerator or bathroom mirror and repeat it several times a day out loud. If you meditate on this thought regularly, you will change your mindset and your actions will follow your thoughts.

How to get a Response to your Request

McRae PattersonLeave a comment

In order to be effective at crowdsourcing, you need to get people engaged in what you’re trying to accomplish. Basically, if they don’t care about what you’re doing, they won’t help you with your need. If you struggle in the area of getting others involved in your cause, here’s some advice that can help. This technique, called Monroe’s Motivational Sequence has been used by some of the most persuasive motivational speakers throughout history.

If you’re speaking to a group:

• Attention
o Get the attention of your audience using a detailed story, shocking example, dramatic statistic, quotations, etc.
• Need
o Show that the problem about which you’re speaking exists, that it’s significant, and that it won’t go away by itself. Use statistics, examples, etc. Convince your audience that there’s a need for action to be taken.
• Satisfy
o You need to solve the issue. Provide specific and viable solutions that the government or communities can implement to solve the problem.
• Visualization
o Tell the audience what will happen if the solution is implemented or doesn’t take place. Be visual and detailed.
• Action
o Tell the audience what action they can take personally to solve the problem.

In a private conversation, use examples that relate to that specific person:

• 1. Attention: Hey! Listen to me, I have a PROBLEM!
• 2. Need: Let me EXPLAIN the problem.
• 3. Satisfy: But, I have a SOLUTION!
• 4. Visualization: If we IMPLEMENT my solution, this is what will happen. Or, if we don’t implement my solution, this is what will happen.
• 5. Action: You can help me in this specific way. Can you help me?

The advantage of Monroe’s Motivated Sequence is that it emphasizes what the audience can do. Too often the audience feels like a situation is hopeless; Monroe’s motivated sequence emphasizes the action the audience can take.

Crowdsourcing for Solutions

McRae PattersonLeave a comment

I would like to discuss how crowdsourcing can be used in everyday life. Your network can be used to solve a spectrum of issues in addition to your career needs. So I would like to give you some examples of how to effectively crowdsource some of your goals.

Let’s start off with career, I would like to share a story given to me by career coach, Terrence Devlin. An engineering company that was a large employer in the area went out of business so there was a saturation of engineers looking for work in that particular market. In a case where there’s a lot of competition, you have to get more creative in your job search. Terrence advised his clients to meet face-to-face with people in their network, hand them a copy of their resume and ask them if they knew of anyone that may be looking to hire someone with their particular job skills. In most cases, the person did have at least one lead for an engineering connection in their network to give them. Using Linkedin, the person could research their professional network pretty easily. The reason he suggested a face-to-face meeting is because people are more likely to help you when you express a need in person as apposed to over the phone or email.

This same approach can be used in a variety of ways. If you’re looking to lose weight or another common goal, ask people in your network if they know of another person that’s also looking to do the same thing (for instance lose weight) so you can support each other or if they know of an expert that can provide their services to give you the tools you need. This technique has proven to effective because when you get referrals from your network, they come from a trusted source, therefore they’re more likely to produce results. Also, asking them in person puts a immediate need in front of them while you have their undivided attention.

Develop Consistency using the PERMA Model

McRae PattersonLeave a comment

There are various reasons people have trouble maintaining consistency while pursuing their goals. Speaking for myself, when I’m doing activities that are tedious and uncomfortable, it’s hard to remain consistent, even if the task is beneficial to me in the long term. The process of change is challenging, if we could reap the rewards without putting in the work, everyone would be successful at achieving their goals.

For everyone who may be struggling to keep going through a difficult process here’s some advice that may help you. The PERMA Model was developed by psychologist, Martin Seligman. PERMA stands for (P) positive emotion, (E) engagement, (R) positive relationships, (M) meaning, and (A) accomplishment/achievement. So basically if you can incorporate some of these elements into what you’re doing to reach a goal, you’ll be more connected to your goal and more likely to remain consistent.

I’ll use the example from my previous post about losing weight since that’s one of the most common New Year’s resolutions. If I wanted to lose weight, I’d do a physical activity that I enjoy to generate (P-positive emotions). I like walking but in order create (E-engagement) I’d choose a scenic trail that has surroundings that interests me to look at while I’m walking. To add (R-positive relationships) I’d walk with a friend to have fun talking while we walk. I’d include (M-meaning) by entering a charity walk for a cause that I care about like breast cancer fundraising and to produce (A-accomplishment/achievement) I’d train for a challenging distance for me which would be a half- marathon.

You may not be able to add all 5 elements but the more you can incorporate these in your activities, the more fulfilling the process will be. The more (connected) emotionally invested you are to your goal, the less likely you are to quit.

Discover how practicing connectedness can empower you

McRae PattersonLeave a comment

In my last post, I discussed one of my top strengths, connectedness. The application of connectedness is that I’m constantly seeing how people and events are related and that I enjoy doing activities with others. Knowing your top strengths can give you a better awareness of how to best contribute to a team and personal relationships.

At times we can get caught up in our own world because we’re distracted and not be particularly concerned about what happens to other people. Living in the present moment instead of being distracted in the presence of others allows us to be available to connect and identify with people that are experiencing similar situations to our own. If we pay attention, everyday there are lessons being revealed to us in the world by situations we observe, hear about, experience, and read.

If we do not pay attention to the subtle things that are happening directly around us daily, it is easy to ignore the solutions that we are actually looking for. My challenge to you this year is to be fully present with others around you and to make more of an effort during conversations to see if you can connect in areas of your life that you need support and solutions. You may discover the answer that can empower you in a certain area was right under your nose.

Resolve to Be More Effective

McRae PattersonLeave a comment

For this New Year, I would like to share a solution that can help you make more progress in your goals, so you won’t continue to have the same resolutions year after year. For a long time, I felt that I was like a hamster on a wheel, I was being productive and using a lot of energy but not getting anywhere. The old adage is true, you can make more progress working smarter not harder.

We can have specific goals but approach them the wrong way. One of the reasons people quit their resolution is because as they start the process, their approach doesn’t fit their strengths and it becomes too difficult to maintain an activity that magnifies their weaknesses.

For example, if I had a goal to lose weight and my approach is to run on a treadmill for 30 minutes, 4 times a week. Okay that goal is realistic for me to manage but plays on my weaknesses and not my strengths. I get bored with doing the same thing repetitively so after a while I would get tired of doing the same activity over and over again. Also, one of my top strengths is connectedness, so that means I enjoy doing things with other people.

If I want to set myself up to succeed, I would choose a physical activity that I enjoy that involves other people. For me that would be dancing which also would keep me interested because I can do a variety of moves. Self awareness is an essential key to success in many areas of life.

If you are interested in learning what your top strengths are so you can incorporate them into your goal setting and make more progress this year, I would recommend taking a strengths assessment like Strengths Finder, https://www.gallupstrengthscenter.com for $10. I normally don’t recommend products but since this one has drastically improved my productivity, I wanted to share it with you so you have the tools to be successful this year.

Signs of a Bad Connection

McRae PattersonLeave a comment

I’ve focused most of my posts on networking to find connections that can help elevate you towards achieving your goals but it would be irresponsible of me not to warn you that at some point you’ll need to weed out the bad connections from the good. As I’ve mentioned previously, building a team around you that has synergy towards a common goal takes investing the time to cultivate relationships, and establishing trust. During this period, there will likely be people that initially seemed like a good connection but don’t meet your expectations as you see their character and commitment wane over a period of time.

So after several months of interacting with people you’re considering as core connections, take an audit of the relationship. Is the relationship balanced, meaning are they contributing regularly or constantly depleting your time, energy, and resources? What kind of influence are they on you, does being around them bring out the best or worst in you? Do they believe in your talents and encourage you or do they diminish your ideas and disparage your abilities? After conducting a relationship audit periodically you will know if a once good connection is shifting into a bad connection.

I’ve heard people say that it’s hard to cut people off because of the fear of hurting their feelings. It’s a difficult task to break up with people just like breaking off a bad romantic relationship. If the relationship is completely dysfunctional then you must immediately remove yourself from the situation. Otherwise, you can gradually break ties with them by setting up healthy boundaries and distancing interaction with them over time if the direct approach isn’t your style.

It’s Time for some Holiday Networking.

McRae PattersonLeave a comment

This is the time of year to be around family and go to Christmas parties but don’t forget that these events are a great opportunity to network. Since these are social gatherings, I wouldn’t suggest a full pitch of your services or career goals, instead look for common connections during your conversations that could lead to a potential collaborative opportunity with them or perhaps someone they know.

When you are around people you already have established a relationship with it’s a good time to reconnect and during your conversation see if they have a need in a specific area that you have the solution for or if they have a skill set that you can collaborate together on any particular career needs. Here’s a personal example, someone could give me some graphic design work and I could help them expand their business network.

Since I’m a career/networking coach when I socialize with people at some point in the conversation I ask them if they enjoy their current job or what are some future career goals they have. If I see an opening, I can offer the a free consultation to see if I can help them come up with a strategy to meet their goals. If there isn’t an opening, I ask if they know someone that needs help establishing, changing or advancing their career. Also, you can create referral networks where you offer them $50 for every legitimate client they help you secure. You never know what resources you can tap into from holiday gatherings so take it easy on the eggnog and network.

Deciding to Connect with Groups or Teams

McRae PattersonLeave a comment

I believe groups can get a bad reputation if people don’t understand the difference between a group and a team. A group of individuals are people who come together occasionally to pass information. In order to be a team there needs to be more collaboration between members, equal distribution of work, instructor supervision with an opportunity for feedback, and member accountability. I used to have a negative view of groups but now I realize the reason I didn’t like groups was because I was expecting the group to operate as a team.

In some instances where there’s uncomplicated task that requires the effort of more than one person, a group could be beneficial. Since having consensus isn’t required in a group, the need to build a rapport isn’t necessary to be successful in completing the task. A team on the other hand has a greater level of commitment and responsibility to the other team members. With face to face contact on a consistent basis you can build the cohesiveness to operate as a team instead of a group of individuals.

There are also instances where teams don’t function well because they are operating as a group. If a team doesn’t have the time to develop cohesiveness, then when trying to perform as team they fall apart. We see this happen on sports teams on a regular basis, when team members are performing as individuals and not putting the interest of the team first. Also when the team is constantly changing members they can’t develop clear communication, unity, trust and consensus. When trying to achieve your goals, you need to determine if the task needs a group or team to get everything accomplished, realizing the commitment level required to create each one.