Four Key Points to Happiness

Running Shoe

Recently, I had a conversation with an investment funds manager that oversees millions of dollars for wealthy clients and he shared with me (off the record) that in his experience, most wealthy people aren’t happy. I was very surprised to hear that so many rich people are unhappy because of the common myth that money creates happiness.

His clients often ask his insight on how to live a more meaningful life. During the course of his career, he found that his unhappy clients were missing these four things:

  • Someone to love

People are wired for connection and there’s a proven link between isolation and depression. I’ve written in previous posts about how having more meaningful relationships contributes to happiness.

  • Something to believe in

There’s a part of us that needs fulfillment by believing in something bigger than ourselves. For me, it’s pursuing spirituality.

  • Something to do

Every person has a purpose and gets a since of accomplishment from doing something that makes an impact.

  • Something to look forward to

In every stage of life, there’s an element of hope that comes from having something in the future we enjoy that motivates us to get out of the bed in the morning such as a vacation, spending time with family, retirement, achieving things on a bucket list, etc.

The primary lesson I learned from this conversation, is that when people spend most of their time chasing wealth and neglect the other areas of life that truly matter, the end result is unhappiness. Instead, pursue the four things that contribute to happiness; meaningful relationships, something to believe in, purpose, and something to look forward to.

Using Enneagram for Personal Growth

Enneagram logo

There’s a powerful personality profile tool that I’ve been using with my clients that has had produced significant personal growth. So why is there such a buzz around Enneagram?

I used my Enneagram training to challenge my inaccurate beliefs that have been holding me back. Here’s what I would like to share about being content while working on your career: The journey to reach big goals will have highs and lows. Find something today that gives you joy in the current moment (celebrate the small victories) instead of focusing most of your energy on being preoccupied with the future. You can’t wait until you reach the destination to have joy, you’ll be happier if you enjoy every step and appreciate what you learn along the way.

The Enneagram (Ennea=9, Gram= Diagram) is simply a map for self-discovery and personality growth based on nine basic personality types. It reveals why you think, feel and behave in particular ways based on your core desires and fears. Through Enneagram coaching you will journey towards understanding how to overcome self-limiting behaviors, maximize your growth areas, and strengthening your abilities, both personally and professionally.

Who should consider coaching?

  • Those interested in understanding how the Enneagram can aid in their growth and transformation, coaching will provide attention to spiritual and focal practices for each Enneagram type.
  • Those looking for help through the Enneagram to understand relational dynamics in work, friendship and marriage, coaching will provide practical and useful wisdom.

Who do you want to be in 2019?

Gray Pencil

It’s a brand new year and the time when people are making goals and resolutions for what they want to accomplish in 2019. Last year, I reached my goal to help more people obtain a meaningful career. I joined Know You Project, a Career Coaching company and became a Certified Enneagram Coach.

The current statistic is that only 6% of people stick with their resolutions. I’ve recently been introduced to a new train of thought about goal setting that has proven results. The reason people quit on their resolutions is because they focus on reaching the end goal. If they don’t make progress fast enough or get discouraged, they give up.

Instead of focusing on the end goal; focus on the person you would like to become. For instance, make a goal of wanting to be a person that’s healthy and physically active instead of losing weight. Once you see the benefit of feeling healthier and stronger that will keep you motivated to keep exercising regardless of how fast the pounds come off.

Another hot tool that I’m using to help clients achieve constant performance is Enneagram. It worked so well for me that I decided that I had to become a Certified Enneagram Coach. Enneagram is behavioral profile that identifies needs quickly and provides specific development paths based on a person’s Enneagram type which allows coaching to go faster, deeper and have long-lasting results. My clients can explore how each type likes to relate and interact with others and how their type affects their behavior and relationships. Also, they discover their growth areas to stay motivated and increase productivity. 

My hope is by introducing you to these strategies, you will focus and move towards the person you want to become in 2019 instead of making the same resolutions.

Finish: The Importance of Finishing Strong

 

Finish 3d cover

If you’re like me it’s easy to start goals but difficult to complete them. I just read Finish by Jon Acuff and it put me in a focused mindset.

According to a study conducted by the University of Scranton, 92% of resolutions fail.

That’s a staggering number considering how important goals are to companies. 

You actually have a greater shot of getting into Julliard in New York City to be a ballerina than hitting your next sales goal.

Or your next budget reduction. 

Or your next widget production.

At every element of your work, goals matter. What if we could do some simple things to improve how often we finished what we started? What if we could complete the incomplete projects and tasks? What if we could get more done in a world of bottomless opportunities and endless distractions?

How does Acuff know? Research, research and more research!

Jon suspected goal-completion was not luck or genetics. And he partnered with a university researcher to test what makes a person a CONSISTENT FINISHER instead of just a CHRONIC STARTER. The research team analyzed 900 people over a lengthy process. These are not just theories – these are principles built on analytics and research. 

The good news is, you can learn to finish. It’s not a natural talent some people have and others do not. It can be taught. Ever have an employee, team member or department almost finish something? It’s time to learn what it really takes! Starting is fun, but the future belongs to finishers.

Without giving away too much of the book, here are two stats you can incorporate into your strategy to help you finish your goals.

2 Surprising Stats About Goals & Resolutions:

  1. People who work on small goals are 63% more successful.
  2. People who have fun are 46% more successful.

We Supported Serena’s College Dream

Serena with comforter
I wanted to give you an update on the fundraiser you donated to for Serena’s college supplies. Jillian and I did finish the 5K in about 40 minutes. I posted the video of her running and juggling on our social media. We raised about $1,200 for Serena thanks to your tremendous response.
This past weekend was tax free weekend so we went shopping and it was an amazing experience for Serena. She was able to buy her first pair of name brand tennis shoes. She has a retail job where she stands for long periods of time and needed shoes that wouldn’t hurt her feet.
In her dorm room, she’ll have a bed to sleep in for the first time so she was able to buy bed sheets and a comforter as well as all the items she needed for her dorm room. She was able to get under garments and clothes she needed as well as a scientific calculator for her Pre-Calculus class.
She was overwhelmed that people she didn’t know would help her so she would have what she needs for her 1st year of college. Thank you so much for your generous support to help this wonderful young woman that has persevered over many obstacles to get a full scholarship and be the first in her family to attend college.

Building Social Capital to Enhance Quality of Life

This blog post was written by Major Ethan Frizzell of The Salvation Army.

Social capital (like human capital and even physical capital) is not a single, uni-dimensional variable. Rather, there are many forms of social capital, and different forms have different consequences.

  • bonding social capital (that is, links among people who are like one an- other) is important for “getting by,”
  • bridging social capital (that is, links among people who are unlike one another) is crucial for “getting ahead,”
  • linking social capital (that is, vertical links to people in positions of authority) plays a special role in development and poverty alleviation.

Let us build social capital together.

There are many kinds of social capital: [3]

  • financial – Money available for investment Real estate, equipment, and/or infrastructure
  • physical – Training that increases productivity on the job
  • human – Relationships of trust embedded in social networks
  • cultural – High cultural knowledge that can be turned to the owner’s socioeconomic advantage

Social capital is recognized as an individual and a collective property.  Many researchers take it for granted that social capital is collective, but most social surveys implicitly measure social capital at the individual level.[4]  Here is the ideal-typical situation in which individuals discover and use social capital: a group of people become connected via a certain kind of relations, and regardless of the exact nature of their relations, the members find that something possessed or produced by the group either itself is a valuable asset or can help them acquire other desirable benefits.

Three things in this situation are recognized as social capital, which overlap on top of each other: [5]

  • group membership
  • features of the relationship
  • resources under the control of the group or dependent on the existence of the group.

At the core of social capital is trust with three crucial elements:[6]

  • Repeat exposure to others tends to lead to greater confidence that others can be trusted (assuming that parties respect conditions 2 and 3 below);
  • The parties are honest in their communications; and
  • The parties follow through on the commitments they make.

Individual social capital is defined by three dimensions: [7]

  • the (number of) connections in the individual social network
  • the resources these connections give access to
  • the availability of these resources from alters to the individual, of which the willingness of alters is a major component.

On this basis, we define an individual’s social capital here as: [8]

The collection of resources owned by the members of an individual’s personal social network, which may become available to the individual as a result of the history of these relationships.  

Connect with Your Calling is found in connections, in networks that bring forth relationships that make the whole community stronger.  

Are you standing in your own way?

I’ve been writing this blog for 3 years about helping people find connections they need that can empower them fulfill their purpose.  I’m believing that I will be able to use this gift in my full-time career. I’ve gotten close a couple of times but so far nothing has materialized. Regardless, I’ve loved helping other people get the connections they need.

Okay, so I was set up. I thought I was going to see a comedy show in Nashville but in the middle of the jokes, I received a profound message.  Michael Jr. is a great comedian who’s also a Christian. He does some of his shows at churches. I believe my answer was revealed at his show.

I grew up as a latch key kid and from about the age of eight I had to be very independent and responsible for myself. I’ve always taken pride in the things I was able to accomplish on my own without support from anyone. The problem with this is that because I’m seen as a strong, dependable person, I help others and don’t like asking others for help unless I can’t do it.

Michael Jr. showed me that I have a problem receiving from others. Getting things from people makes me feel uncomfortable unless it’s for a special occasion. I may be the reason that other people haven’t offered to support me. Would if that’s the reason my dreams haven’t materialized? What I finally accepted is that I should give to others but I should let others also be blessed by letting them give to me.

Michael Jr. did something so amazing at his show. He called up an audience member that happened to be deaf and her interpreter. He asked her if there was anything she needed. She was reluctant (she probably also had a problem receiving) but she eventually said she could use a special needs nurse to help take care of her child so she could go out on a date sometimes with her husband.

Michael Jr. asked if there was a special needs nurse in the audience and the was only one. So he connected them and the nurse was willing to help care for her child. Of course this gave me goose bumps as a person who loves to connect people. Stay tuned, he plans on doing this more at his shows and I hope I can somehow be a part of helping this project.

We Support Serena’s College Dream

 

Serena

I heard a story of a remarkable young woman named Serena that I wanted to help.

Serena’s parents immigrated to the US from Laos and then they had her and her younger brother. After her parents separated, they went to live with her mother. The state removed them from her mother after she attempted to kill her and her brother and placed them with their father. By this time her father had remarried and had two more children.

She worked 30 hours a week and tried her best to provide dinner and other necessities for herself and her younger brothers and take care of them while her father and step-mother worked second and third shifts.

She always wanted to be the first person in her family to go to college but knew financially that it wasn’t possible. With all of her responsibilities she never gave up and worked hard to maintain a 3.75 GPA and passed the state certification exam to be a Certified Clinical Medical Assistant and received a Presidential Scholarship from Tennessee State University.

I teach a class called Connect with your Calling, where we help people discover their gifts and guide them towards fulfilling their life’s purpose. One of my students, Jillian works as a Caseworker for at-risk youth.

We decided to run the Nashville Rock and Roll 5K together on April 29th, 2017 to support Serena’s college dream and raise money for some of her other college expenses. Jillian has a special talent of jogging and juggling so she’ll be juggling during the 5K.

Throughout Serena’s whole life adults made it seem like she wasn’t meant to be successful so she worked hard to prove to people, friends, and peers in similar situations that it doesn’t matter where you come from or where you are, if you work hard and make the most of where you are then you can achieve your life’s purpose.

Serena wants to major in English and earn her ESL (English as a Second Lanuage). After she graduates she wants to teach in Thailand and help builds schools and believes she was put on this earth to uplift and serve others who are less fortunate.

We want Serena to be able to focus fully on her college studies and would like to raise money for things her scholarship doesn’t cover like college books, school supplies, dorm room items such as bed sheets, and money for her transportation costs riding the bus.

I’m using the hashtags #WeSupportSerena, #RNRNashville and #ConnectWithYourCalling. I’ll continue to post updates about Serena’s story on this blog.

Need an Answer, Be the Answer

I’ve discussed in previous posts about how to advance your career by figuring out how to be an asset to people who can open doors of opportunity for you professionally. I would like to elaborate on some specific ways to accomplish this. If people see you as an answer to their problem, you’ll be considered as a resource instead of a burden.

  • (WHAT) Know what you bring to the table

I believe every person has something they do great in a unique way that differentiates them from anyone else. I’ve recommended Gallup’s Strength Finder Assessment if you need some guidance to figure out your top strengths. Your abilities and gifts will be WHAT you can do to be the answer.

https://www.gallupstrengthscenter.com/Purchase/en-US/Product

  •  (WHY) What problems do you want to solve?

You should be passionate about what your called to do. If you’re not interested in fixing the problem then that’s not your calling. This should be your motive as to WHY you’re motivated to do something.

  • (WHO) Who’s the person that you can help?

This is where you have to do some research on WHO you want to help by talking to your connections to figure out their needs. Also, you may want to start serving people where it doesn’t benefit you so you can gain experience using your abilities and later help people where it does benefit you as a strategic career move.

  • (HOW) How can you use your skills to fix the problem?

Once you know who you’re helping then you can customize your approach on HOW to use your specific abilities to be the answer to their problem.

As you continue to build a reputation for being the answer doing what you’re called to do, opportunities will start to present themselves.

Connection Despite the Election

It’s an understatement that the US has just experienced one of the most divisive political seasons in modern history. Unlike those people who weren’t looking forward to discussing politics over Thanksgiving dinner, I encouraged the discussion. The reason is because now that the election is over, even if you’re passionate about your candidate, we all need to learn to understand a different point of view that you may not agree with and start the healing process.

Banning people from Thanksgiving because they supported a different candidate is not only causing problems in families but will only continue to cause the country to be so divided that we can’t make any progress as a country. Putting aside our differences, learning to be tolerant and work together on the issues we can agree on for the good of the country is the only way we can become better as a nation.

Instead of arguing over political positions, it might be more productive to ask the opposite side to explain the reason they have a certain position and not judge them, then see if there’s any common ground in some area you can agree on, if not on that particular issue than another issue. Hopefully you’ll be surprised that you have more in common than you initially expected.

Even though Washington is broken and can’t work together, we don’t have to follow their lead. It’s important as Americans that we get this right to make things better for all of us and show our children that are watching that we can put our differences aside and work together for the common good of our communities.